KEVIN STANIEC DOT COM

I wonder how many people are home alone tonight… we should all get together and play a game of Trivial Pursuit.

My chest beat breaks brick by brick with heart ripping electric hymns. A conductor commands the community choir to sing – ceremoniously I surrender as the church bell rings.

Harmoniously praying through thick threaded veins of string – stretching past an orchestra of strength where faith begins.

Hope handled by fate and my soul sells a soliloquy. Sign searching through gospels that should someday speak to me.

I close my eyes listening to wind breathe through wood organ pipes. I can feel the presence of sadness around me as I type.

Directions to and from my heart:

Right at Foster past Inverness, Aceca and Argyle. Follow Silver Fox with a left on Coleridge until you meet Martha Ann and Ruth Elaine. Donnis down to Loch Lomond back through Shakespeare, Foster and around St. Albans, Kempton, Tucker and Tigertail.

The battle between John Walker and Jasper Newton Daniel. Basco and a small dog named Giant. Ashtray. Mosquito net. An early audition for an unenthusiastic client. Shorehouse waitresses writing poetry on receipts. Riding bicycles with baskets of beer through downtown Long Beach. Between slow songs her iTunes shuffled sound effects for “Wind Howling Heavy” and “Female Laughing Hysterically”. Clarity. Disparity.

An ex-girlfriend was flying home from St. Louis, Missouri to visit her parents for the holidays. I promised I would pick her up from the airport after work. Arriving before her plane landed I decided to sit in the corner of the terminal and watch friends and family reunite. A certain sense of solitude surrounded me as strangers stood at the baggage claim waiting for their personal possessions.

A smile covered my face as she entered the room. I hadn’t seen her in years as we were forced to correspond by phone during awkward hours of night. She looked tired. After a long, strong hug I helped with her luggage. She talked about the job, her new home and how excited she was to present her grandfather with the Nintendo Wii system she purchased for his Christmas gift.

We stopped at my parent’s house to say hello. She would eventually persuade them to roll a few rounds of interactive bowling in the living room. We stayed much longer than our welcome.

The night ended at the home of her old college roommate. Her friend was married and had a beautiful baby boy. The husband and wife were preparing for an early party the next morning, decorating their family room while cooking in the kitchen. We sat on the couch catching up on lost time as their kid ran around the house.

We were both envious of their life.

Tears contain an endogenous opioid called leucine-enkephalin. Our body produces this natural sedative to help control pain.

Something spectacular happened today.

My jaw tightened with pain. A copper sensation filled my mouth, the taste of metal flavored my tongue. My throat was suddenly dry as I struggled to see. Short of breath, my heart – rapidly beating. My nose, wet, started to run. A warm sweat spilled across my body. Legs shaking, hands trembling and a nervous uneasy settled upon me.

And then I cried. I couldn’t stop. It was wonderful.

Thank you.